Broken Wings
by Rebecca M Mesecher
Summary: From my ever so popular "iPod Challenge: Jori" (Yeah, OK Becca, whatever you say.), comes "Broken Wings". This is about a girl that doesn't want to be in love, she rather take her own life then ever cause problems with the other woman. In this twisty and turny (THAT'S NOT EVEN A REAL WORD YOU MORON!) there will be drama, romance, self hatred, and did I say romance? Yeah, so, BYE!
1. Chapter 1

**Broken Wings**

A/N: This is from the iPod Challenge I put up last night, I really like how #4 turned out so I wanted to make something of it. This is A/U and OOC. I hope I did a good job. The title of this story comes from a Flyleaf song.

Disclaimer: I do NOT own anything…I wish I did though.

"_I, Tori Vega, am typing this for someone to find when I go missing later tonight. I will take my own life, you will find my body out on the beach, it will look like I am sleeping but I insure you I am not. I will over dose on Insulin, I have friends nobody knows about and all I had to do was spend every penny I had to get them to give me the Insulin. Anyways, you probably want to know what has driven me to do such an extreme thing? Well, you see, I'm in love with her, you don't really need to know who, but I love her with everything I am and I don't want to see her get hurt. She'll never love me, hell she doesn't even like me really, but I couldn't help but fall in love. And before you start thinking this, I am not offing myself because I'm gay, I've known for a LONG time now, and I've tried so hard to get over her. I'm doing this because I know that if she finds out my feelings, it would cause her pain and hurt her relationship, I will not be responsible for her pain. _

_I will always love you,_

_Tori Vega"_

I typed this with tears rolling down my face, I knew I was doing the right thing, it had to be the right thing. I already had everything planed, today would be the last day I would ever get the pleaser of laying my eyes upon the beautiful Jadelyn West. I saved the document to my desktop as "_I will always love you_" knowing that someone will look at it.

I got up and showered, couldn't die stinky now could I? When I pulled my shirt over my head, I took a good long look in the mirror, I ran my hands over the fading white lines on my stomach, I haven't cut in a long time, nobody knows that I was doing it to begin with. I guess they will know soon enough.

The day was dragging on and on, all I wanted to do was get it over with, my heart was breaking more and more every time I saw the woman I love. Jade was giving me funny looks all day, like she knew something was wrong. Maybe it was the fact that I hadn't talked to anyone all day, not a word.

"HI HI!" Cat yelled at me, I had been avoided everyone all day, so I'm guessing that she was happy to see me.

"Hi Cat." I said, not really happy that she was there, I just wanted to be alone with my thoughts. I was going to do it, but something deep, way deep, inside of me told me not to, but I had to. "What do you want, I kind of just wanna be alone today?" Cat looked sad, like she was going to cry.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay, you've been all weird." She told me before walking off.

I looked across the hallway, over to Jade's locker, I tried to breath, I couldn't though, the pain was to much. I watch as Jade kissed Beck, they have been together for three years now, and I wasn't going to get in between them. I love her, and she's in love with him. I hate myself because I want to tell her how I feel and I use everyone to try to forget my feelings. I know she is my one.

"Yo, Vega!" Jade yells across the hallway, she caught me staring. "Just because you have a thing for my man doesn't mean you can just stair at us while we make out. Creepy much."

I looked down and walked away slowly. I couldn't let her know, she needs Beck, she love's Beck. "Vega, wait up." I look back to see Jade running towards me, Beck no where in sight. "What's up with you? Not that I care or anything, but you've been acting weird lately." She looked me in the eyes. "You can tell me, I can't promise not to laugh though." She smirked.

I stood there silent for a minute or two, "Jade," I whispered, looking anywhere but at her. "It's not fair if I tell you, just leave me alone." I started to walk away again, but, she grabbed my wrist and spun back to her.

"TELL ME DAMN IT!" she yelled. I looked at her, knowing that I could never really tell her, I didn't trust my words, so, I did the only thing I could think of, I leaned in and kissed her.

I kissed her with all the love and passion in my heart. "I love you, Jade West, and I hate myself for it." I whispered against her lips before turning and walking away. I looked back before I went through the doors, she was still standing there, shocked. "I love you." I whispered one last time before leaving, this would be the last time that I see Jadelyn West, I couldn't rune her life, so I will take my own tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Hey peoples! I just wanted to let you know that if I don't update as soon as y'all would like it's because I'm writing 3 stories for , 3 completely different fandoms, and on top of that I am trying to write a book. I am also trying hard to stay sober, it's not as easy as some make it out to be, AND, within a few months time I will start a tattoo apprenticeship with my step uncle, which is really freaking cool because I've always wanted to be a tattoo artist.

Anyways, I am here with chapter 2 of "Broken Wings", lets see what's going to happen…together…because I honestly have no idea! I'm writing this as I go, some with my Harry Potter fic.

CHAPTER 2

I walked to my car, it was in the back of the lot, I had everything I needed which was really just one needle and two bottles of insulin, just in case one doesn't work. I drove to the beach, slowly because I wanted to enjoy the view one last time. When I got there I grabbed my needed stuff and put in a bag (I had the insulin in a cooler because you need to keep that shit cold.), and grabbed my guitar.

I walked down to the surf and just walked along the beach, enjoying the water and the sand on my feet. I found a secluded spot, not to far from my car, and sat down in the sand, pulling my guitar into my lap, and started to play.

**You, got me caught in all this mess.**

**I guess, we can blame it on the rain.**

**My pain is knowing I can't have you,**

**I can't have you.**

**Tell me does she look at you the way I do,**

**Try to understand the words you say,**

**and the way you move?**

**Does she get the same big rush,**

**When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?**

**Tell me am I crazy, or is this more than a crush?**

**I catch my breath,**

**The one you took the moment you entered the room.**

**My heart, it breaks at the thought of her holding you.**

**Does she look at you the way I do,**

**Try to understand the words you say,**

**and the way you move?**

**Does she get the same big rush,**

**When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?**

**Tell me am I crazy, or is this more than a crush?**

**(Is it more than a crush?)**

**Maybe I'm alone in this,**

**But I find peace in solitude knowing,**

**If I had but just one kiss this whole room,**

**Would be glowing.**

**We'd be glowing,**

**We'd be glowing.**

**Does she, tell me, does she look at you the way I do,**

**Try to understand the words you say,**

**and the way you move?**

**Does she get the same big rush,**

**When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?**

**Tell me am I crazy, or is this more than a crush?**

**(More than a crush)**

**Does she, tell me, does she look at you the way I do,**

**Try to understand the words you say,**

**and the way you move?**

**Does she get the same big rush,**

**When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?**

**Tell me am I crazy, or is this more than a crush?**

**(More than a crush)**

**Does she look at you the way I do,**

**Try to understand the words you say,**

**and the way you move?**

**Does she get the same big rush,**

**When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?**

**Tell me am I crazy, or is this more than a crush?**

**Tell me does she look at you the way I do,**

**Try to understand the words you say,**

**and the way you move?**

**Does she get the same big rush,**

**When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?**

**Tell me am I crazy**, **or is this more than a crush?**

"Vega?" I heard softly behind me. I couldn't believe what I she was here, this was not how things where meant to go down. So many emotions went through me at this moment, ecstatic, pitiful, betrayed, overwhelmed, and baffled. I couldn't believe this. "Vega, look at me."

I slowly turned around to face the one woman I have ever loved, "What are you doing here, Jade?" I couldn't look into her eyes, I was ashamed that she caught me here.

"It doesn't matter why I'm here, Vega, where's the stuff?"

"I don't know wh-"

"Cut the shit, Tori!" Jade cut me off, pulling me up off the ground by my arm. "Where is the fucking insulin?" She was trying to look me in the eyes, but I couldn't bring myself to let her, I just stayed silent. "TELL ME!" She yelled.

"Why does it matter? You don't care about me, you hate me, we all know it. Why does it even matter?" I still wasn't looking her in the eyes, I was looking over her shoulder. I couldn't figure out how she knew. Even if my family found the note I left already, they wouldn't have called Jade. I was horrified that she was the one here. I couldn't do it in front of her, I was doing this for her though.

She let go of my arm and started patting me down, when she didn't feel anything on my person, she grabbed my bag. "Jade, don't!" I yelled and grabbed for my bag, before I could get a grip on it she pushed me away, she found the bottles. She looked at me like she was disappointed in me before she took off running, I took off after her.

"What the fuck do you think you were going to do with these, Vega?" She turned facing me once we got to the parking lot. "I would have never thought you, of all people, would ever think about doing this!" She said right before throwing the bottles onto the asphalt causing them to shatter making the insulin unusable. "Don't ever even think about this again, damn it!" She said as she ran up to me, wrapping her arms around my middle. "Don't ever scare me like that again." I was stunned, I didn't know what to do or what the hell even just happened.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: So…I'm 7 months sober and that makes me happy so I'm going to post another chapter. And I forgot to tell y'all ( ß My Texan is showing!) that the song I used last chapter is "Blame It On The Rain" by He Is We. I love that band…and that song….anyways, back to what we are all here for. Oh, and I put a Buffy The Vampire Slayer reference in this chapter. If you catch the reference, let me know, you will be come the winner of best friendship…

Chapter 3

(Jade's P.O.V. - Starting at the beginning of the day.)

Tori seemed weird today, well weirder than normal, she hasn't even looked at me. Normally I can't even get the woman to shut up and leave me alone, not that I really want to leave her to leave me alone. You see, I have been secretly in love with Tori Vega since day one, but nobody ever needs to know about that! Nobody. Ever!

Anyways…the day has gone by slowly, she didn't even Sikowitz' class she didn't look at me, I was getting worried. She was always trying to get my attention. And I heard what she said to Cat earlier today, that's how I really know something's up, she never blows off Cat.

The day came to a close and I stopped by my locker to get my things, ready to leave this place that I like to call the Hellmouth, I saw Tori looking at me for the first time today, but I really didn't think much of it, so when Beck came and stood next to me I kissed him. Don't get me wrong, I already told you that I am in love with Tori, I love Beck but I'm not in love with him, and I'm so far in the closet you need a weeks worth of food for your trip to find me. So, I just stay with Beck even if it kills me a little bit each day.

"Yo, Vega!" I yelled across the hallway, "Just because you have a thing for my man doesn't mean you can just stair at us while we make out. Creepy much." I had to say it, if anyone would have noticed that I noticed and didn't say anything, they would get suspicious, seeing as I "hate" Tori. She looked down and walked away slowly. "Vega, wait up." I was running towards her, I had told Beck to leave once I saw her leaving. "What's up with you? Not that I care or anything, but you've been acting weird lately." I was looking her in the eyes, because in reality, I do care. "You can tell me, I can't promise not to laugh though."

She stood there silent for a few minute, it felt like an eternity, because all I could do was look into her beautiful eyes. "Jade," She whispered, she wouldn't even gaze at me, it's like, for once, she didn't want to look at me while talking. "It's not fair if I tell you, just leave me alone." I was confused, this wasn't like her at all. A lot of people say that we are so different, but if you think about it, we're not all that different when it comes to saying what is on our minds, she's just nicer about it than I. She started to walk away and I couldn't have that, I grabbed her wrist and spun her back around to face me.

"TELL ME DAMN IT!" I yelled, trying to get her attention, really, I was sick of this shit. I wanted the old Tori back, not this disheartened girl that she has become, this isn't the Tori I fell in love with. She finally looked at me, like really looked at me, like she was debating something in her mind.

She leaned in and crushed her lips to mine, it impulsive and I liked it, at first it was rushed, but it soon became passionate and tender, really affectionate. I have never felt anything like I was feeling now, not even with Beck. Her hands burnt my skin as she grabbed my waist, pulling me closer to her, I didn't know what to do, I mean if I was seen enjoying it that would out me right? So, like a moron, I just stood there, I did kiss her back, but I didn't move my hands to her neck, I just didn't move unless she moved me her self. "I love you, Jade West, and I hate myself for it." Tori whispered against my lips, I stood there shocked at what she just said, I couldn't believe my ears. Tori turned and left before I could even stop her.

I couldn't believe that the woman I loved loves me too, this was the best thing that could have ever happened to me, really. It doesn't mean that I'll be coming out of the closet anytime soon, but I'll be trying my damnedest to be somewhat friends with Tori, the change wont be quick, I don't want her to know what I'm doing so quickly. I was still standing where she left me, lost in thought, when my phone went off. "Hello?"

"Jade, it's Trina, have you seen Tori? She hasn't come home yet and she told me this morning that she was coming home- Oh my god." she whispered the last part so quietly that I could barely hear her. "Jade please tell me Tori is with you?"

"No, she left like five minutes ago. I'm not her keeper Tri-"

Trina started yelling at me, "GET TO THE FUCKING BEACH RIGHT NOW, JADE. SHE'S GOING TO TRY TO KILL HERSELF! YOU HAVE TO HURRY. SHE'S GOING TO USE INSULIN. PLEASE YOU HAVE TO GET TO HER NOW." If she said anything after that, I don't know. I hung up the fun and started running.

When I got to the part of the beach that all of us hang out at I started looking around, I didn't see her so I started running down the beach, at one point I saw her car so I knew I was going in the right direction. I could her soft singing in the distains, I knew it was Tori, so I ran harder, as I got closer I recognized the song she was playing. It was a strange feeling, hearing her sing that song, I use to listen to it every night while thinking about her. "Vega." I whispered once she was done with the song. She didn't do anything, she just sat there in the sand, I couldn't tell what she was feeling, but I knew it had to be something, she was planning on taking her life, well according to Trina, and I believe her, she wouldn't have freaked out like that if she was trying to prank me. "Vega, look at me."

She slowly turned to look at me, when she made eye contact, I could see so many different emotions going on in her eyes. "What are you doing here, Jade?" It was barely a whisper, it looked like she was ashamed that I was here. I have never seen her look so weak and broken before, it scared me more that Trina's freak out on the phone.

"What does it mater why I'm here, Vega, where's the stuff?" I was trying to sound like my normal self, I wanted to be the strong one, I needed to be strong for her, but I don't think I was pulling it off so well.

"I don't know wh-"

"CUT THE SHIT, TORI!" I yelled at her. I couldn't let her lie to me right now, I couldn't handle it. I grabbed her arm and yanked her up. "Where is the insulin?" I asked, trying anxiously to get back to my cool, calm, self. She just stood there, staring at me like I didn't know what the hell I was talking about, I was losing it, "TELL ME!" I screamed.

"Why does it matter? You don't care about me, you hate me, we all know it. Why does it even matter?" Of course I care, damn it! I love her! She still wouldn't look me in the eyes, she was looking over my shoulder. I didn't know if she really thought that I didn't care about her, that I really hated her. I regret everything I have ever said or done to her now, it's pathetic that it has taken this to make me regret it.

I let go of her arm and started patting her down, I was a bit relived that I didn't feel anything on her body, I knew that that didn't mean anything, she could have it hidden somewhere. I grabbed her bag, "Jade don't!" she said, in a panic she tried to get it from me before I could go through it, I pushed her down, back into the sand. I found the bottles, I don't know how I was suppose to feel about this, I was mortified that it was true. I looked at her, down on the sand, tears in her eyes but not falling upon her cheeks. I turned and ran, I ran until I got near her car in the parking lot, I knew she was following me, I looked back, and she was there, but I didn't stop.

"What the fuck do you think you were going to do with these, Vega?" I turned around facing her, she was just far enough away to not see the tears forming in my eyes. "I would have never thought you, of all people, would ever think about doing this!" I smashed the bottles on the asphalt, I had to make sure I destroyed them, I couldn't risk her trying to get them from me. "Don't ever even think about this again, damn it!" I stood there, looking at her for a few seconds before smashing myself into her, I wrapped my arms around her waist. "Don't ever scare me like that again." I cried against her, nothing ever scares me, this did. I never wanted to feel that again.


	4. Chapter 4

Broken Wings Chapter 4

A/N: Hey, everyone. This week is suicide prevision week. I just wanted to say that suicide is never the answer. If you are thinking about taking your own life, please talk to someone, a friend, a family member, a teacher, a coworker, anybody, just talk. If you feel like you can't talk to anyone you know in person, please, feel free to PM me, I will talk to you. And as corny as it sounds, it does get better. I mean, look at me; I've been beaten, broken, tried to take my own life, and raped. I can talk about it now, but when I tried to take my own life, I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone about it, so I didn't. Tori's little speech in the chapter, it explains how I felt when I tried, except I was out. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

**(Tori's P.O.V.)**

The feeling of Jade against me was the most amazing thing I've ever felt in my life, but I couldn't stay here, she found me, I needed to run. I pushed her away and got in my car. She just stood there, staring at me, as I drove away. I drove as fast as I could, I was so lucky that there were no cops anywhere.

I pulled into my driveway, to my surprise, Trina was standing outside talking to someone on the phone. I got out of the car and Trina hung up the phone, running over to me, and slapping me harder then I've ever been slapped in my life.

"WHAT THE FUCK, TORI!" She screamed at me before pulling me into a hug. It's safe to say that I have no idea what is going on. "What the fuck were you thinking? I'm so glad Jade got to you in time! I'm glad I was on the phone with her when I found your note!"

"You told her? Why the fuck were you even talking to her?" I was angry, not that Trina told Jade, but because Trina was talking to Jade, jealousy is what people call that. I don't know why I was jealous, Trina doesn't like women, so it makes no since that I would get upset over this.

"I was looking for you! Damn it! I know you like her, Tori, I have for a long time now, it's all in the way you look at her. Why wouldn't you talk to me? Why, damn it!? I'm your sister, Tori, I will love you no matter what!" Trina started yelling at me, the only think I could do is cry. She shoved me away. "Why? Just fucking why?"

"Because I can't fucking have her!" I yelled and crumpling to my knees in front of her. "Because she's in love with him." I sobbed.

Trina kneeled in front of me, she wrapped me in a tight hug. "Tori, she might not know it yet, but she is in love with you." I pulled away from her, giving her a confused look. "Have you not seen the way she looks at you?" She giggled softly. "She gives you the same look that you give her, Tori. The I-need-you look."

"She loves him, Trina, Jade love's Beck. Don't try to convince me other wise, because it's true. I promise that I wont try again, but, I just need to be alone." I got off the ground and walked inside. When I made it to my room, I laid on my bed and I really don't know how long I've been laying here, but I just staid.

"Tori?" I heard softly coming from my door.

_Fuck! What is she doing here!? _I thought to myself. I didn't move from my spot, on my side, facing the wall.

"Tori?" She come closer to me but I still didn't move. I really don't know if I can face her. "We need to talk, I know you know that." I could tell she was standing by the bed, she was talking softly, as if she only wanted me to hear her speak. She sits down on the edge of my bed, right bye me. "I know you're not asleep, Tori, so just talk to me." She puts her hand on my shoulder and shakes me. "DAMN IT, VEGA! ROLL OVER AND FUCKING TALK TO ME!"

"What do you want, West?" I still didn't roll over, I couldn't look at her, I just couldn't. What the hell am I supposed to say? What did she expect from me? I'm not meant to be here right now, I'm meant to be in an eternal sleep on the beach.

"What do I want? WHAT DO I WANT?" Jade yells, standing up and kicking my bed. "I want you to tell me why, Vega. What the fuck were you thinking?"

I finally rolled over to look at her, not looking into her eyes, but to just look at her. "Why does it matter, Jade?" I didn't really want her to answer the question, I didn't even want her to be here…can't a woman get some freaking alone time? Like really?

"You were going to kill yourself, Tori. You, Tori fucking Vega! The Tori I know would never even think about doing something like that, no matter what was going through her head, because she loved the people she cared about to much to put them through that. So way?" She looked half angry and half concerned, like she really cared. I have no idea what Trina was talking about when she said Jade has feelings for me as well, I don't see it at all.

"Listen to me, West, I'm only going to tell you this once. You don't know me as well as you think you do." I took a deep breath. "It's so easy to make everyone think you're okay, did you know that? All you really have to do is put a smile on your face and sound happy when you talk. And you say that I'm not a great actress, I had even you convinced that I was happy, that nothing was ever wrong. Well, baby, everything is wrong. I'm gay, I'm depressed, and I think about killing myself constantly. I hate that I'm gay, I hate everything about it." Tears started slowly coming down my checks, as much as I hated to cry in front of people, Jade and I are alike in that. "People say you should be proud of who you are and who you love, but I can't be proud of this. This means I'm going straight to hell, people would rather see me dead then out walking the streets. God forbid I look at a fucking girl.

I'm depressed because I'm gay, because I can't be with the woman I love. I can't have the life I wanted. Because now I'm nothing. It would be easier on, not only me, but on everyone if I just never woke back up. My family wouldn't have to deal with the shame of having a gay daughter, the looks they will get, from the people at church, once this gets out. I wont have the future they wanted for me. My friends wouldn't have to feel ashamed of being seen with me. It just all sucks. Why the hell wouldn't I want to end it all?" I took a deep breath. "I just wanted to kiss you once, before I took my last breath." I looked over at Jade, who has sat down on the edge of my bed once again.

"Tori." Jade whispered, looking into my eyes, and for the first time today I really looked into hers. "Suicide is never the answer. If people don't except that you are a lesbian, then they don't need to be in your life. As for your friends, and I'm including me in this category, we wont care. Tori, we love you just as you are, you should know that already. I'm sure Trina doesn't care, I mean, come on, I've seen her checking out Cat lately, and Beck. As for your mom and dad, they will still love you when you come out to them, even if they don't except it at first they will one day and they will love you and who ever you end up with." Jade looked away quickly. "Tori, why did you want to kiss me?" 

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, debating with myself, not knowing if I should tell her how I feel or not. We sat there in silence for what seemed like forever before I just thought the hell with it. "BecauseyouarethewomanIlove." I rushed out.

Jade looked back at me, confused. "Um, a little slower there Vega."

"Because you are the woman I love." I looked away from her, I didn't want to see the disgust in her eyes.

"Tori." She put two fingers under my chin, making look at her. "I'm really flatter that you like me, but I'm straight, and I'm dating Beck." She wiped a tear off my check with her thumb. "I hope that me rejecting you doesn't make you want to stop being my friend? Because that would really suck."

"I know you are straight, Jade." I said, it sounded bitter to even my ears. "I'm glad you're okay with me and all, but will you leave now? I really just want to be left alone."

She looked upset, but she got up and walked out the door, leaving it open. I laid back down and rolled over to face the wall once again. I didn't sleep, I just stared at the wall, I didn't know what to do anymore.

**(Jade's P.O.V.)**

I walked out of Vega's room, confused to say the least. "Jade." I heard as soon as my foot hit the floor leave of the Vega house. I looked up to see Trina Vega looking at me. "How is she?"

I looked around the room, just making sure no one was in the room with us. "She was going to kill herself, Trina, what do you think?" I said, and for once I wasn't being my rude self. I walked over to where Trina was, in the kitchen. "She's afraid that people aren't going to like her when the find out she's gay." I looked down at my feet like they were the most interesting thing in the world. "I'm worried about her Trina."

Trina came over to me and put a hand on my shoulder. "I know kiddo. But I will look after her tonight and if anything happens, good or bad, I'll let you know. Okay?" She smiled at me. I nodded and walked off, out the front door, into my car, and drove away.

I didn't really understand what was going on with me, really. I told Vega we are friends, and that kiss, I can't stop thinking about it. It was better than any kiss that I have gotten from Beck. Maybe she's just a good kisser, yeah, that's it. Tori Vega's just a better kisser that my boyfriend, he doesn't need to know that though.

When I got home I went straight to my room, I grabbed my notebook and started writing.

"_I Jade West, will stop being a bitch to Vega. She's pretty cool, I guess. But there is just something about here. I don't know what it is, but it's there. I'm going to talk to Trina about getting her some help with her depression because it honestly does scare me. I thought she would be smart enough to not try suicide, I always thought that if she felt that way she would talk to some body, but I guess I was wrong. I'm going to make it my mission to get her to see someone. That's what she needs right not, right? Am I doing the right thing? I don't know."_

I put my notebook back under my mattress and laid down. I just laid there until I feel asleep, I don't know how long it took me to fall into a deep Tori filled dream state, but I was in one.


	5. Chapter 5

Broken Wings Chapter 5

A/N: Yep, it's me again, and yep it's that time again…Now, what I need to keep this story going is tattoos, who wants to give me tattoos? Anyone? No? Oh well, I'll keep posting anyways.

**(Tori's P.O.V.)**

I finally got out of my bed, I was starting to stink, if I was being honest with myself. I grabbed some clothes and walked across the hall to the bathroom, I plugged my Pair Phone into some speakers and let the music wrap me in it's warmth. After locking the door, I grabbed my small pocket knife from under the sink. I smiled when "Miss Nothing" by The Pretty Reckless started playing. I sat my knife on the counter and removed my clothes, I looked at myself, naked, I picked up my knife, opening it, I stared at the blade for a long time. I could see myself in the reflection of the sharp metal, I smiled at my reflection but I could still see the sadness in my own eyes.

I dragged the blade slowly across my chest, right over my left breast, as the knife slid across my skin, I watched the blood run down my breast. Part of me was turned on by the pain, part of me thought it was tragically beautiful, and part of me just though I was pathetic for doing it. I did the same over my right breast, and thought the same thing as I watched the blood.

I got into the shower, watching the water wash the blood away, watching it as it went down the drain, I just stood there, watching, thinking, doing nothing but standing. My emotions started getting the best of me an I slid down the wall of the shower, tears mixing in with the water that was falling on me. I had the pocket knife with me in the shower so I could clean it, but right now I couldn't, I had to do one more thing, I grabbed the knife from where it had fallen in the shower and carved "Worthless" in to my left leg and "Nothing" into my right, with any luck the words would scar and I could be reminded about what I am for the rest of my life.

I cleaned the knife, washed my hair, loving the pain of the shampoo hitting my cuts. I got out of the shower, I stood there long enough that the bleeding had stopped fully. I dried my legs and my chest carefully and put gauze over the wounds, I throw on my sweat pants and a t-shirt, leaving the bathroom. I entered my room and went straight to my laptop, I needed music.

I played a little of everything, but mostly The Pretty Reckless and He Is We, and I slowly feel asleep.

My alarm rings and I get up, I feel numb, like there is no happiness in me anymore. I get dressed and make my way down to the kitchen, "Good morning, sweetie." My mom smiles at me, and I put on a very fake smile, she doesn't realize that its fake, can we say good actress? "How did you sleep?"

"I slept great, mom." I said, sounding as joyful as I could, she couldn't see through me and that's what I liked, my mom doesn't know me like she thinks. Ignorance is bliss.

I grabbed an apple and left, today was a walking day.

**(Jade's P.O.V.)**

I was standing next to my locker, honestly confused as fuck. I know I love Tori, but do I love her as more then a friend? Is that why I'm always pushing her away? I don't know, but I know I need to find out. I got here early, nobody was here just yet, and that's how I like it, alone, it's nice to be alone.

While I was deep in thought, I heard the front doors of the school close, I looked up to see Tori she was just standing there, staring at me. Our eyes locked, and while I stared into her eyes I felt safe, like that her eyes were the only place I could get lost in and not get hurt. It was a weird feeling for me, I didn't feel safe when I looked into Beck's eyes, or anyone's eyes for that matter. I didn't really know what to make of this moment, but I didn't want it to go away, I just stood there, she just stood there and we were lost.

I didn't realize that she walked up to me, I don't think she realized that she was doing it. When I noticed that she was no longer across the room, I wanted to say something, anything, but I couldn't, I didn't know what to say. I did the only thing that I could think of, I hugged her, tightly. I heard her take in a sharp breath when our bodies made contact. "Tori, what's wrong?" I asked as I pulled back.

She put on a fake smile. "Nothing, why would anything be wrong?" She giggled. "I should be asking you what's wrong, you're acting differently, you never hug me with out prompt."

I could see through her façade, I knew her to well, I kinda knew what she was going through these past few day, to fall for her shit. "Cut the shit, Tori. That was a sound of pain. I didn't squeeze you that hard. So, I ask again, what's wrong." She rolled her eyes and turned to walk away, I grabbed her by her wrist and turned her back around to face me.

"It's nothing, really, don't worry about it."

"If you're not going to talk to me about it, then you need to talk to someone. You telling me not to worry makes me worry. I'm trying to be nice and friendly, Tori, you're not trying at all."

"Who said that I wanted you to be nice and friendly? I told you how I feel and you rejected me. You rejected me after saving me, I don't get you. Why don't you just let go of my wrist and we can pretend like none of this ever happened, okay? You can go back to being cruel and I can go back to being the girl everybody assumes is the happy girl that nothing bothers. Sound good to you? Sounds good to me." She looked into my eyes, I couldn't look away, I couldn't do anything. "Now, let go of me and I'll be on my way." She whispered as she got closer to me.

She was so close to me, I was between her and the lockers, I didn't mind really. I noticed that her eyes flicked to my lips and back, real quick, if I wouldn't have been paying attention I wouldn't have seen it. I reached up, cupping her check, my eyes never leaving hers, leaning in until our lips met. It was like an electric shock going through my body, the kiss was slow, our lips fit perfectly. I dropped her wrist, sliding my hand up her arm to her neck.

Tori wrapped her arms around my back, pulling me closer to her, I slide my hand down to rest above her left breast, but as soon as my hand touches her chest she lets me go and backs away.

"Okay, what's really going on with you, Tori." I ask.

"Maybe I just didn't want a snaky bitch touching me." She looked, she looked at me like she was trying to mean the words she just said, but I could tell she just wanted to hid whatever she was already hiding. "Or maybe I just- UGH! Just forget it." She said as she spun around and walked off. This time I let her, it was obvious that I needed time to think about what just happened.


	6. Chapter 6

Broken Wings chapter 6

A/N: Well it looks like no one wants to triad tattoos for chapters, damn! Oh well.

**(Jade's P.O.V.)**

Tori walked off, leaving me more confused then I was before. I kissed her, I don't know what came over me, but I kissed her, I don't kiss girls, I don't kiss anyone other then Beck. _Shit. _I think I've been standing here for like ten minutes before Beck shows up, I don't know if I should even tell him what's going on.

"Hey babe." He smiles at me, I try my best not to cringe at the hello, it just doesn't sound right. He leans down and places his lips on mine and that just doesn't feel right. _Fuck! _

I pull back, breaking the kiss that I really don't want. I know now that it is Tori that I want, the kiss just proved it. "Beck, we need to talk." I say, he lets out a deep sigh, he knows what's going to happen, I know he does, but he doesn't know why it's going to happen and I'm debiting if I should tell him or not. I grab his hand and pull him to the janitor's closet.

"Don't say it Jade." Beck firmly says as I close the door. "If we break up again, it's the last time. I'm not going to keep doing this." He waves his hand between us.

"I kissed someone, and it felt right. It doesn't feel right with you." He looked dumbfounded.

He opened and closed his mouth a few times, not able to say anything. We stood there, in stillness for what seemed like forever, I was uncomfortable with being here and I could tell that he was too, but neither of us could bring ourselves to move. "Who is he?" Beck whispered, yet I could still hear the bitterness in his voice. I didn't say anything, just looked at him. It was a few minutes before he said another word. "I have a right to know who he is, Jade." His voice dripping with acid.

"It doesn't matter who I kissed, Beck. Just know that it is over between us and I need to be with them right now, just friends or more, I don't know, but I can't be with you when I know I have feelings for someone else." I looked him in the eyes, I wanted him to know that I needed this.

He sighed, deeply again. "I really think you should just tell me who the hell he is, Jade. No one is going to be happy if I have to find out myself." He stepped closer to me. "Just tell me." He leaned down coming face to face with me. "Now." He kept his voice low, and that scared me more then yelling.

"I told you, Beck, It doesn't matter." I kept my cold, on the outside, I wasn't going to let him know that I was, without a doubt, terrified right now. "Now, why don't you back up before I get my scissors out and make you back the fuck up." I tried to sound bitter with my words. I didn't want to go through this with him. I have before, him trying to get information out of me. He isn't as kind as people think.

"Fine." He said, backing up. He walked passed me, slamming the door as he left.

I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding, I didn't think he'd really give up so easily. I walked out the door and headed to class.

Sikowitz's class was starting and I hadn't seen Tori all day, I needed to see her. I sat in the back, I sat for about ten minutes before I left the class, Beck wouldn't stop glaring at me and it made me uncomfortable.

I went to the janitor's closet, not really knowing were to go. I opened the door and flipped the light on.

**(Tori's P.O.V.)**

I heard a bag drop to the ground causing me to look up, Jade was staring at me. I didn't think anyone would come in here, seeing as everyone loved Sikowitz.

I was sitting on an upside down bucket with my left leg crossed over my right, I had my pant leg rolled up just enough to give me access to the skin a few inches above my ankle. I had my favorite pocket knife with me and I was doing a number on my leg. I forgot that I was doing it when I saw Jade, so right now she was getting an eye full of the split flesh and blood.

She walked over to me, dropping down to her knees in front of me. She grabbed some paper towels that were on the janitor's desk, placing them onto my leg, applying presser. "Tori." She whispers, looking up into my eyes. "Why?" She asked, her voice full of concern.

"My problems are none of your concern, Jade. Why don't you just run along to Beck and fuck or something?" My voice wavered, I was trying to seem like I don't care, but I know she see through it.

"I'm not going anywhere." She places her hand on my cheek, looking me in the eyes. "Anyways," She sighs and removes her hand. "Beck and I are no longer together." She lifts up the paper towels to look at my leg, the cuts are deep, so they are still bleeding. "Tori?" She puts more presser on my leg, trying to get the bleeding to stop quicker. "Why are you doing this to yourself? You are so beautiful and amazing, you need to stop."

"I want to feel something other than emptiness and worthlessness, that's why I do it Jade." I sighed. "I can feel the pain of life depart as the blood runs down my skin." I reach over to my bag and pulled out a pack of Marlboro red 100s, pulled out a cigarette and lit it. "You can have one if you want." I told Jade as I sat the pack on the desk. She said she didn't want one, I was okay with that, more for me. I took a deep drag of my cigarette, looking at Jade. "Why are you here anyways?"

"I wanted to talk to you but you didn't show up to class." She removed the paper towels again, this time the bleeding had stopped. "Beck was giving me dirty looks, it made me uncomfortable, so I left. I was going to just go home, but something told me to come in here. I'm glad I did. Can I ask you something Vega?" I nodded, taking another long drag, inhaling the smoke that will one day kill me. "Why me? Why now? You have helped me get Beck back before, so why?"

I turned my head to the left, letting out the smoke I held in my lungs, I might see myself as a bitch, but, I didn't want to blow the smoke in her face. "Jade." I looked back at her. "I help you get him back because he made you happy, you wanted him. I have always loved you, from day one. You hating me pushed me harder to have you in my life." I took one last drag before putting out the cigarette.

She just looked at me, no anger, no hate, just love. I would be lying if I said it didn't scare me, a calm before the storm perhaps. "My turn." I said, throwing the bud into the trashcan to my right. "Why do you care so much?"

"I have always cared. Have you ever noticed that I would get upset if anyone, other than myself, messed with you? What's the saying, 'If a boy picks on you that means he likes you'? I guess that is what was going on. I always figured that my feelings for were just friendly, and I couldn't let you get close to me. So I pushed you away the only way I knew how to. I don't let people close because I don't want them to be disappointed when they really get to know me." She looks up at me again, she was still on her knees in front of me, and rolled up the sleeve of her shirt reviling tiny white scares coving her arm. "I quit some time ago. People tend to runaway when they see these, because only someone fucked in the head would do this to themselves, according to them. Beck ran once, I haven't really trusted him since." She rolled her sleeve back down. "After you kissed me the other day, and after I kissed you this morning, I knew I couldn't stay with him. It hasn't felt right for along time, it was becoming all about sex, just getting off, nothing more, nothing less. I don't want that to be my life."

"Jade, I-" I sighed, I was finding it hard to speak right now.

"You don't have to say anything, Tori." She looked deep into my eyes. "I want your knife." I had sat it on the desk after she came in, I had forgotten all about it, really. I reach for it, holding on to it for a few minutes as we sit in silence, it wasn't uncomfortable but it wasn't comfortable either. I let out a breath and handed over the knife, I had another at home if I needed it but this one was my favorite, it was sharper. "Thank you." She whispered, kind of surprised that I gave her the knife without throwing a fit about it. "Where else have you cut?"

"Curiosity killed the cat." She looked disappointed, I sighed and stood up taking off my shirt, showing her my scares and the two fresh cuts over my breasts. Her face dropped, my entire abdomen was covered in little white lines and so was my chest. She got up off her knees, walked over to me, and lightly traced the scares.

"Is this the only place?" She asked, not taking her eyes off my abs.

"No." The word barely audible.

She looked up, her hand still on my scares. "Where?" She looks at me with a concern that I have never seen on her face before.

"You will find out one day, maybe, if you want to pursue whatever this is." I waved my hand between us.

"If you want this," She waved her hand between us this time. "You need to see someone first. I want you to get the help you need because I care about you and don't want to lose you before I've even had a chance to find out what this is." She must have seen my face fall because she rushed the last part out.

"Okay."


	7. Note

Hey y'all, well, I got me a job so I'm stressed for time now days and my laptop chapped out on me a few days ago. Anyways, I am back to hand writing all my stories. So, yeah, I thought I should let peoples know. OH! And I coming up on 9 months sober, so I hope to have new chapters up for all my stories, and the first chapter of a new story I'm working on, for my 9 months!


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